The Marital Furtherence
by TrainsAreCool
Summary: Just more slices of life from my favorite couple, Leonard and Penny.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**I own nothing related to TBBT.**

"Six oh two," mumbled Leonard, "I gotta call Sheldon."

"He up yet?"

"Yeah, and right now he's gonna be looking at that chart on the fridge - " Penny '_ewwwd_' as Leonard reached for his cell.

"Hi Sheldon, look, I can't take you into work today ... yeah, it's that stomach thing ... well, I'm sorry that's imprecise - I'm not a doctor-doctor ... yeah, I know I didn't wear the mask you gave me ... 'cos I look like an extra from 'Planet of the Apes' that's why, and it makes it hard to talk to the students ... why would I want to? Sheldon, that's the reason the university employs us! Okay, and tell Amy thanks for me. Bye."

Leonard leant back against her. "Amy's gonna take Sheldon to work today - "

"Stupid stomach bug," groused Penny, cradling a plastic bucket. "Stuck here two days - we spend any more time in the bathroom I'm gonna send out change-of-address cards."

"It says one _or_ two on the healthcare website hon - and since when've you minded being in bed?"

"Leonard, there's spending the day in bed, and there's _spending_ the _day_ in _bed_ - guess which I prefer?"

"We could sit on the couch, watch TV."

"Better not sweetie, not while your stomach's soundin' like somethin' from Age of Conan."

Right then a round of squeaks and gurgles came from Penny's midriff. "Old Forest after dark," grinned Leonard.

###

"So, instead of driving to work with my buddy and playing with my new thousand watt laser I'm forced to stay home all day _and_ I'm gonna miss a hot date with a college girl - "

"Wow, bummer - same here, I'm missing my class and I was gonna meet up with some guy from the university later - "

"Yeah? What's he do?"

Penny frowned in thought. "He says he's an exp-eri-mental phy-si-cist - that right? But I hear him'n his buddies talk 'bout quantum mechanics. I think he just fixes stuff, you know, like an auto shop."

Leonard looked serious. "If he's lying you should dump him." Penny tapped his chin before snuggling into him.

"Oh, I dunno ... he's kinda cute."

"So that's both our days messed up hon."

"Struggle is real sweetie."

"True dat."

###

"Uggh, that was a shared experience I coulda done without," groaned Penny. "Thanks for rubbin' my back - "

"Your welcome, thanks for catching my glasses." Leonard looked at her, concerned. The shadows under her eyes were darker now. "You should try and get some sleep."

Penny plucked at his robe, the new black one she'd bought him last Saturday. "I've tried, I just can't - "

"You cold? Need another pillow?"

She looked at him, and then unusually awkward said, "Umm ... Leonard, I know this sounds dumb but could you go put your old robe on? Please?"

"My old robe? Let me get this straight, the robe you always said the fifties wanted back? That one?" he said as he went across to the closet and took it off the hook.

"Sweetie, the black one's more Leonard After Dark - right now I just feel like bein' all snoodled up with you,"

No sooner had he got back on the bed than she nuzzled up against him; her breathing grew regular and pretty soon the sound of logs being sawn filled the room. He gently stroked her hair before dozing off himself.

###

Leonard's eyes flickered open and he found himself looking at a smiling Penny. Sleep had faded the shadows under her eyes and even better some of the sparkle had returned to those green pools.

"We sleep long?"

"Bout four hours - it's just after two in the afternoon."

"You been awake long?"

"Five minutes or so - you were smilin' so I was gonna see - " she moved her fingers and intoned, " - our minds, one and together - and you'd better not've been dreamin' about the Princess!"

"Penny, I _never_ even _think_ about Princess Leia," he said, making innocent big eyes.

"Yeah, well I do, and if she shows up wantin' to get her hands on _my_ Han she's gettin' her ass han-ded her," Penny fake growled, pulling him in for noses. "okay, serious sci-fi question - what's it about Captain Kirk and green women? 'Most every time he's about to get it on it's with a greenie - I mean, do _you_ find green attractive?"

"Umm ... Obviously green eyes I like - "

"Okay then, suppose _I _was green? All over - "

"Hon, if you're looking for cosplay ideas, four hours ago your face certainly was, and it didn't do anything for me. You look adorable now, sort of feisty yet vulnerable. "

Penny laughed, "Sweetie, any other day I'd say keep goin' but right now that's justa waste of flattery!"

###

"I think we could be over the worst - you feel like moving to the couch? Or do you want to stay here?" said Leonard after a while.

"Umm, how 'bout we stay here ... it's kinda nice ... I gotta say I could use some food though."

"I Googled this, it's water and plain bread or saltine crackers." Penny considered this.

"Fine dining huh? Umm ... coffee yet?" she asked, hopefully.

"Nope, sorry hon - not even black."

She sighed. "Sweetie, if you weren't here today would totally suck."

###

"For the record, that's not our worst meal," said Penny as she beat Leonard to the last slice.

"Yeah, how about our Valentines Day dinner; what exactly was that anyway?"

Penny creased her brow. "I dunno, it started off as chicken ... "

"I think what I poured over it didn't help - "

"Hey, marinade, Gatorade - maybe in future we should keep it on top of the 'fridgerator, not on the worktop."

"You know, I was thinking - "

Penny snickered, "That what the burning smell is? Or is your stomach actin' up again?"

Leonard made to swat her with a pillow but she grabbed it off him, giggling. "As I was saying, Little Miss Sarcasm, if we ever get back to being able to eat solid food **I was thinking **- "

" - of taking a cooking class. Oh wow, that's spooky!"

"Nah, just great minds thinking alike - or we're becoming assimilated, I'm not sure."

"The Lenny Collective? Even spookier! Okay Doctor H, how'd you get the idea - "

"Overheard a guy in the cafeteria - you?"

"There's a poster on the noticeboard at college, they gonna run 'em there on Thursday nights."

"Thursday huh? Well, we only have HALO nights once a month - and I guess we could change those ... okay, you wanna sign us up?"

"Yeah ... You know what, I love we do such much together," said Penny, hugging him close.

"Apart from the throwing up," he moved to face her, "Penny ... thank you for a wonderful day."

"Thank you too Leonard," she murmured contentedly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I own nothing relating to 'The Big Bang Theory'.

" - and nobody does a stroke of work between Thanksgiving and Christmas - I haven't been able to reach Doctor Gablehauser for _days_. How big a family does the man have to buy for? Not only that but everyone seems afflicted with some kind of seasonal tardiness," groused Sheldon as Leonard drove them both home.

Leonard knew that was aimed at him - they'd almost been late that morning (late by Sheldon's standards that was) because Leonard found it difficult exiting an apartment that contained both mistletoe and Penny with a gleam in her eye.

###

This was the problem - Sheldon always got snippy around Christmas; everybody knew why, all they could do was just accept it. Leonard had already had a sample once today;

"_Look, I've got work to do, I don't have time to waste sitting down on the cafeteria floor - "_

"_Jelly Worms today, the Bill of Rights tomorrow - think on that Leonard!"_

_"Sheldon, it's just candy - start a petition if it means that much!"_

_"Leonard, it is not 'just candy', it's freedom of choice - a good many people enjoy Jelly Worms, and I see no reason why the cafeteria management should arbitrarily remove them from the vending machines! Now are you with me?"_

_###_

"The whole thing is just an artificial Victorian construct with elements of pseudo-paganism thrown in - "

"Sheldon, some people enjoy it - Penny and myself for two."

"Well I don't!"

"Look, we understand about your Grandfather, but what about Amy?"

"After lengthy negotiation she has a small Christmas area." Leonard had heard from his wife about that - a six-inch tree that lit up and played 'Jingle Bells' , plus a nativity scene that was short of a Wise Man and an ox, Doctor Who and Max Rebo having to fill in.

"That's not exactly the Parade is it - "

"It's perfectly adequate. There's no need to fill the apartment with non-CPSC approved flammable frippery, unlike some people - "

"Penny just gets kind of invested - anyway **all **our decorations **are** non-flammable - we showed you the labels - "

" - combustible dead lumber - "

"We keep the tree moist - "

" - having to feign approval of some poorly chosen gift - "

"Sheldon, you could try throwing out a few hints, we're not mind readers - "

" - lemming-like stampedes on so-called Black Friday - "

"You know, if you actually used your credit card instead of keeping it in that novelty C-threepio safe, you could buy stuff online like everyone else. Anyway, if you don't want to celebrate Christmas there's your six-month anniversary to look forward to."

"Excuse me? Our six-month _what_?" said Sheldon, looking as if Leonard had suggested switching his field to Geology.

"It's just an expression Sheldon - you know, you and Amy have been living together since June twenty-fifth."

"I'm well aware of how long we've been co-habiting - it's your poor grasp of English that startles me."

Sheldon half turned in his seat and launched into an explanation. "Now anniversary denotes a yearly event - the anni from the Latin _annum_, meaning year, and versary from _vertere_, the turning of - "

Leonard listened with half an ear, more occupied with tapping his wedding band against the steering wheel. He _liked_ that sound.

"Leonard, you raised this topic, you could at least pay attention - in a manner consistent with safe operation of a motor vehicle - and stop rapping that piece of jewelry."

"Sorry Sheldon - look, both hands on the wheel and a steady twenty-two in a posted twenty-five. Better?"

"I suppose. Now, as I was saying, the correct form would be _mensis_ - month, giving us mensiversary. So this would be our sixth mensiversary - "

"When you put it that way mensiversary sounds a lot like what Amy marked on the calendar you both gave us - "

"Amy thought you'd like a heads-up on which days Penny may be a little tetchy. Nevertheless," he went on, "it's a grammatically accurate way of expressing that myself and Amy have co-habited for six months - and incidentally how long Penny and yourself have been married."

Leonard did the math, "Hey, yeah, June fourteenth to December fourteenth - six months Sunday."

"So will the air be thick with the smell of burnt offerings - or are you eating out?"

Leonard ignored the slur on his and Penny's cooking - they'd taken classes - and thought a moment, "Penny hasn't said anything - maybe it's different for marrieds."

"I'd check if I were you - frankly if your knowledge of interpersonal relations matches your knowledge of Latin - "

###

Penny had finished with her books and was at the kitchen island, getting things ready so they could fix dinner together, all the while warbling about only wanting Leonard for Christmas, when the man himself entered. She stopped to greet her husband with a proper kiss; something she always insisted on whenever they parted or met, "So how was your day sweetie?"

"Pretty good - played with my new laser, talked Sheldon out of organizing a sit-down protest - "

"Sheldon? Civil disobedience?" her eyes sparkled with laughter, "What for - I thought he was in favor of human cloning 'long as they started with him - or was it 'cause the university won't let him have any uranium leftovers?"

"Not exactly, he was protesting about the cafeteria management not putting Jelly Worms in the vending machines any more. So anyway hon, how was **your** day?"

"Well, my last two assignments I got C plusses - "

"Outstanding!"

Oh, and my agent called - "

"Work?" asked Leonard, then realized if it had been Penny would've told him straight off.

"No, she just wanted to know if I'm gonna change my name."

"And are you? Or are you sticking with Mulder?"

"I'm gonna hyphenate - Mulder-Hofstadter." Penny loved being Mrs. Hofstadter but she figured she needed to keep a link to her maiden name - some casting director who recalled (and they'd need a long memory) her hemorrhoid commercial might need to get hold of her.

"Mulder-Hofstadter? I like it, it's gotta ring to it - 'Penelope Mulder-Hofstadter looks gorgeous as she steps out onto the red carpet at this years Oscars' - "

" - accompanied by her equally gorgeous husband Leonard! If only sweetie," she sighed.

"Hey, it'll happen."

"Yeah, 'n hopefully before I get so old I only get offered character parts - and you gotta wheel me along the red carpet!"

"Penny, no matter how old you are, you'll still be beautiful - and ambulatory," he said, folding her in his arms.

"See, it's when you come out with stuff like that I realize how lucky I am," Penny giggled and snuggled harder, "Hey, keep goin' you needn't stop there!"

###

Over dinner he brought up the question of their sixth mensiversary. Penny looked thoughtful as she considered it.

"I never ... I mean people who're dating normally celebrate six months - we did after we'd gotten back together, you remember - "

"Oh boy, do I!"

They shared a smile ... and a snicker. That night they'd gotten well into noise-cancelling headphone territory. Penny continued, "Married couples normally celebrate their first year - on the other hand, _we're_ Leonard and Penny - "

" - and we form our own paradigm?" said Leonard.

"Took the words right outta my mouth!" Penny laughed, "So d'ya wanna do something Sunday?"

"Brunch?"

"Sounds good, 'n then we can come home 'n have a lazy day ... "

.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**I do not own anything in respect of 'The Big Bang Theory'**

The group theme for ComiCon this year was Star Wars; in 2014 it'd been Battlestar, Penny going as Starbuck while Leonard recycled his bald cap to appear as Colonel Tigh. Not that they'd really gotten invested in the convention, they'd been still on a giddy high from getting married the month before.

####

"Okay, like we discussed before, some boundaries: nothing that's got me stickin' things on my head or paintin' myself green, blue or any other color - "

"Duly noted - "

"No Slave Leia - "

"Aww - "

"**Outside** of our hotel room Leonard - "

Leonard grinned over the top of his glasses. When Penny did cosplay as his favorite female character they tended not to arrive downstairs too early, something which gave Sheldon - as Trip Commander - conniptions. She noticed the smirk and playfully tapped his chin.

"Hey, don't think I don't know what kinda movies you got playin' inside of your head." She looked back at the list of names on his laptop. "Nien Numb, sounds like somethin' we order from the Thai place - "

"Nien Nu**n**b," he corrected. Penny airily waved. "How about Boushh the bounty hunter?" he went on.

"Sweetie, if you wanna do the whole, 'someone who loves you,' thing I could just hide your glasses three days 'n we wouldn't need to go to Diego. 'Sides, I think Raj's got dibs on that guy."

"Has he? Okay then, how about Janga Fett?"

Penny pursed her lips. "I dunno, how'd it be if we do something as a couple this year?"

"Yeah, well Amy and Sheldon are going as Leia and her Dad - if you buy into that particular premise - and the Howardette got the Ewoks covered, that doesn't leave much - although there's something I bought a while ago ... Sheldon let me leave it over 4A instead of putting it in storage with the rest of my stuff - I'll go get it - "

Penny's eyes widened. "Leonard, have you got a pantomime Bantha outfit?" she asked before dissolving in giggles. "Dibs on bein' the front end! And careful what you eat - no way'm I sharing if you've even _looked_ at cheese!"

"Actually I don't - but that sounds a pretty cool idea. When we're not going to conventions we could use it as a coat rack."

"Yeah those horns'd look great on the wall - beat those ol' eight-pointers my dad's got in the den - "

Chuckling, Leonard lifted her feet onto the coffee table and headed across the hall. He was back a few moments later with a carton about a foot square. "Here, this is what I mean," he said, untaping the lid and lifting out a bubble-wrapped object.

"Where's the rest of it?" she queried as he put the Imperial Troopers helmet on and stood there in his 'Recycle' tee and jeans.

"The Empire has a Casual Friday policy," came his muffled voice.

Penny smilingly raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Umm ... No. I bought this and didn't have the money for the rest of the armor."

"Bummer, happened to me too. Got the shoes but had squat left over for the outfit." Then Penny noticed his glasses dangling from his right hand. "Can't you wear your glasses? How d'you see where your goin' ?"

"It's got prescription lenses - that's why it cost five hundred dollars - "

"Five! Hundred! Dollars!" Her jaw rested in her lap. "That's a pair of Jimmy Choo wedges!" she exclaimed, the Penny Currency Converter instantly translating dollars into footwear.

"Yeah," he said, removing the helmet gingerly - it was a tight fit, "Well Sheldon's Darth Vader outfit cost two thou - "

"Two thousand dollars!" she squeaked, "Holy crap, that's, what - four - no three - pairs of Manalos! Or maybe two pairs of Zegna boots! And if I went to that discount place ...!"

"Hon, it's Sheldon. Two grand for not having to stick his head where somebody else's gone before is cheap."

"I guess not - so you want to go as Imperial Troopers?"

"Well, if you want - "

"Hey, I'm good, I'm gonna be there with my man and I get to carry a big-ass gun - "

Leonard grinned, "It's technically an E-eleven Blaster Rifle - "

" - which is based on the English Sterling machine gun." she finished for him.

"You're amazing."

Penny smiled as she embraced him. "Can't take all the credit, everythin' I know I got outta my Leonardapedia."

**Four months later**

After getting used to moving around in their outfits, Penny showing Leonard her version of The Robot and him attempting Trooper Gagnam Style, they'd stopped and carefully removed each other's helmets. "Wow, you weren't kidding about how hard it is seeing in these things!"

"Yeah, it takes some getting used to - you seem okay though. I think we're ready to go cross and see Sheldon for costume check."

"Nope, got one more thing to do - turn around sweetie - "

"You're _accessorizing_?" he said as Penny finished applying the 'Hello Kitty' decal to his lower back plate. "I don't - "

"Hey, there's gonna be a gazillion Troopers there and I don't wanna take the wrong one back to our hotel - don't worry, it'll just peel right off when we're done. Here, now you do mine - " Leonard did so then went and got something out the pocket of his hoodie.

"Umm ... I wasn't sure ... but if we're ... " he said, pulling out a roll of gold tape.

Penny's eyes sparkled as she quickly put a strip of tape around the ring fingers of their gloves. Then, in a clatter of armor they hugged.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**I do not own anything in respect of 'The Big Bang Theory' or 'Killer Movie'**

_"The reactor temperatures are going over the redline - at this rate we'll be looking at a pair of uncontrollable - "_

" - eyebrows!" spluttered Penny, before collapsing in a giggling fit against her husband.

"Pennnyyy!"

"Sorrysorrysorry! It's not my fault," she pleaded, flapping the script around, "this stuffs just so dumb it breaks me up!"

"Yeah, one minute they're talking as if it were a pressurized water reactor, then your characters referencing stuff that's part of a boiling water reactor - plus there's more to nuclear safety than one water tap and a big 'off' button - "

"I was thinking more of all the scenery chewing ... anyhoo sweetie, it's a movie - you don't complain about all the bangs and fires happenin' in a vacuum in Star Wars or whatever - " Penny shook her head to clear it and returned to the page, "Okay now, lemme go again with this - "

"You know, I bet Bianca Champion doesn't scratch her butt for her Psychological Gesture - "

"She probably has people do it for her, and anyway, it works for me - now let me focus here - "

"_Our only option is to _… paarrtayy!" Penny had gotten the giggles again, Leonard eye rolled.

"Penny, this is totally unprofessional," he said, trying to sound stern.

"Yeah, I know, and ... umm ... while we're talking 'bout that," Penny bit her lip and looked bashful, "there's a fan … cut a story short, I woke up in bed with the guy this morning ... "

"Excuse me," he chuckled, "not just **a** fan, your biggest fan!"

When it came to her acting Leonard had never been anything less than a hundred percent supportive - he ran lines with her, comforted her when she didn't get the part and, in a truly devoted gesture, waved goodbye to his Good Driver Discount so she could attend auditions in something more reliable than her Golf - taking her car to work, and stoically enduring a stream of complaints about 'fiery vehicular death in a mobile dumpster.'

Now, things seemed to be paying off: Penny was getting enough work from by-the-numbers cop shows, soaps, local commercials and voiceovers that she could describe herself as a professional actress. Whatever role she appeared in he'd bounce around, as excited as she was: when she told him about auditioning for the female lead in this movie being an example.

"_Calm down sweetie!" she urged, "Anybody__'__d think I was up for the new Star Trek or something!__"_

"_But Penny,__"__ he protested, __"__this could be your big break! Suppose some big name director sees it?__"_

"_Leonard, I haven't even got it yet and even if I do I doubt it__'__ll end up front of a director anybody__'__s even heard of. Fact is, six months from now I bet you have to get on__ an__ airplane to see it.__"_

"_Well, I still think it__'__s fantastic! I__'__m gonna go cross the street and see if they__'__ve got any Champagne!__"_

"_Leonard, save the thirty-five dollars for me getting the part,__"__ laughed Penny, __"__that ten dollar fizzy stuff__'__s good enough for this!__"_

"I wonder if anyone else does couch reads," he mused, "or would they find it too distracting if their costar was real cute?"

Penny flicked her hair and fanned herself, "Is it me or is it gettin' hot in here? Aye papi!" Leonard grinned when she schooched up even closer to him.

"I think we need to stop for a break!"

"Aww c'mon sweetie, I was in the zone there - and is it my fault I got such great chemistry with my handsome leading man?"

"Handsome? Nah, I think I've got more of a face for radio - "

"Hey, accept the compliment - you're a good looking guy," she said, "and you've made me so happy ... "

"And you're smart, funny, beautiful and I couldn't be happier ... "

They gently snuggled a moment, "Leonard, you always say I'm funny - "

"I think you'd be great at comedy," he said and meant it; Penny could break up a room just by raising an eyebrow.

"It'd be nice to get something with a few laughs in," Penny agreed, taking another sip of her water, "all I got coming up for definite is bein' a giant rabbit for that pet food place."

He knew what she meant; in the last few months aside from the commercials her 'serious' roles seemed to consist solely of tragedy. She'd buried a grandmother, told a woman her husband was dead, wept at the graveside of a husband of her own and then died herself.

"About that episode," Leonard grinned, "I don't suppose there's a chance - "

"Sweetie, you are not seeing that blooper!"

"Aww pleeeaasse - " he implored.

"Dammit Leonard, don't you dare make big sad eyes!" which even as she said it she knew it was hopeless; Leonard's eyes were the visual equivalent of that spot on her neck - either turned her to Jell-O.

_The anguished husband has left the hospital room sobbing, his beautiful wife lying still and silent in the bed. The doctor looks at the wall clock and says to the nurse, __'__Okay, I__'__m calling it: time of death seven thirty-two - __"_

_Zzzz ... zzzz ... zz - fuzzle ... zzzz - 'Doctor' and 'nurse' break up laughing before the actor drops to his knees, holding up his hands, _

'_It__'__s a miracle!__'_

_'Someone needs a somnoplasty,' quips the 'nurse'. Her fellow actor looks at her, startled. 'Hey, I've had a recurring this season - you pick up stuff - '_

"Come on, you gotta admit it was funny!"

"I couldn't help it! I had to get up in the middle of the night - "

"Seven-thirty a.m - "

"Go do **two** radio commercials, pick up **your** dry cleaning mister, and **then** go tape that episode! The director kept changin' stuff around - I was in that bed like an hour with my eyes closed!"

"You didn't have to pick up my suit - "

"Hey, I know you - I don't keep an eye on your formal wear you show up at a fundraiser in a Batman tee - "

"You always bring that up - it was just that one time!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**I do not own anything in respect of 'The Big Bang Theory'**

Penny smiled as she slid her Drivers License across the car rental desk - after ten and a bit months it was still a thrill to see herself identified as **Hofstadter / Penelope Anne**.

As the girl started the paperwork her cell launched into 'I wanna love you forever', the song they'd had for their first dance. **'MomDad' **said the display. Relieved that it wasn't her agent with some 'client's requested a few changes' crisis, she picked up.

"Hi mom ... yeah we're at the desk gettin a car ... I dunno, maybe an hour or so. Your gonna cook what? No, that's fine, it's just anythin' on that list I emailed ... you don't wanna know, one time we all had to sit out in the hallway for an hour ... okay, see ya then,"

Leonard returned from the Men's Room, still looking a little green. She smiled and gently rubbed his back. "You feel better now sweetie? Think you could eat something?"

"I'm good, it was just the turbulence," he said, handing his license to the clerk.

"Well, my mom called, she's gonna cook us cowboy steak 'n fries and non-dairy butterscotch pudding for dessert - nothing that's gonna get your chain reaction goin'."

###

Penny yanked the Crown Vic off the highway without braking and sent it bouncing along the dirt road that led to the farm; somewhere underneath something that probably shouldn't have made contact with the ground. Leonard winced - there were a lot of things he loved and admired about his wife but her skill behind the wheel wasn't one of them.

"Home Sweet Home!" she caroled to Leonard who smiled back uncertainly. Penny caught his nervous glance, "Look sweetie, you're the only guy my Dad's ever _liked_, and he _wants_ you to call him Wyatt okay?"

Leonard was more relaxed with Penny's mom - Molly. She was the same size as her daughter - but plainer and a little wider. One thing they had in common was a feisty character - Wyatt Mulder might tower over his wife but Molly wasn't awed by him in the slightest; neither was his younger daughter. Regarding the rest of her family he'd met Penny's older sister twice - the last time at her most recent wedding and her younger brother once. Joey wouldn't be around for this visit, he was in a sober living house in Lincoln.

###

After Leonard had done his best with some not too stilted chit-chat, starting his sentences 'Sir' and then remembering 'Wyatt', making her Dad sound like he'd joined the English aristocracy, Molly showed her daughter upstairs, Leonard following with the bags. "We've turned Rachel's old room into a guest room - "

"Sounds nice," said Penny.

"Yeah, there's just this one thing - "

###

"Wow. Umm ... wow."

"You know your Dad, thinks he's gotta eye for a deal," sighed her Mom. Her sister's old room had been bigger than hers - the cause of many sibling fights - but the bed almost filled it. It was the size of bed you could start a dynasty in - or land Vipers on. Or maybe even both.

"What is that? Double King-sized?" wondered Leonard.

"King Kong-sized probably. Hope you two don't get lost."

###

"Boy, Mom wasn't kidding," said Penny as they cuddled together that night, "this thing's at least as big as the one Bernie told me they had in Vegas."

"I was gonna say my feet don't reach the end but that's pretty much the case in any bed," he replied.

Penny tucked her head in under his chin, "Hey, great things - "

" - come in small packages," finished Leonard, kissing the top of her head. He went on, "There's an interesting counter-intuitive physics problem here - "

"Sweetie! What kind of physics problem d'you need to work on in bed!"

"The one that says although we're approximately the same size, and this bed's twice the size of ours - you still take up three-quarters of the available space!"

"Okay, that's it!" hooted Penny, planting her bare feet on Leonard's shin.

"Yikes! They're freezing! You should see a doctor - "

"See one? I'd get hold of this one if he'd stop wrigglin'!"

###

"What?" Penny rounded on her Mom and Dad. Her Mom was giggling into her cereal and her Dad was fighting a chuckle.

"Sorry hon, it's just that - "

"That's about the eighth time you've said 'husband'," finished her Dad.

"You're kidding me right?"

Her parents shook their heads. "I asked you if Leonard was coming down 'n you told me 'my husband's still asleep', when I said what brand of soy milk we'd got in you said 'that's my husband's favorite' -

"Really? I'm doing that?" Penny bit her lip, wondering if she was doing it back home too. She thought if she had been somebody would've picked up on it, most probably Sheldon, although he himself couldn't go two sentences without tossing in 'paradigm'.

"Doing what?" asked Leonard as he walked in. Penny gave him a G-rated kiss for her parents benefit (rather than her normal PG-13) and handed him a coffee.

"Umm ... do I use the 'h-word' a lot?"

"Hofstadter? Horse? Homunculus? I dunno hon, you're going to have to give me some help - "

"Do I say husband a lot?"

"Well ... a little - although I gotta admit I do say 'my wife' pretty often. Okay, a lot. Howard mentioned it the other day."

"We shouldn't tease," put in Molly, "I mean it's nice that you two're so happy," she dug her husband in the ribs, "Do **not** roll your eyes like that Wyatt - and in case you'd forgotten we're going clothes shoppin'. " Wyatt promptly looked as if all the cares in the world had descended on his plaid-shirted shoulders.

After Molly had chivvied her husband out of the kitchen and into the pickup they sat and finished their coffee together.

"I don't think your dad's looking forward to getting his wardrobe expanded."

"You got that right - ever since he wore a tux at our wedding Mom's been tryin' to get him better dressed," Penny laughed, "she's even made him stop buyin' his clothes from gas stations!"

"So ... umm ... how long d'you think they'll be?" he said, trying to keep his voice neutral.

"All morning I guess," Penny giggled, reading his mind, "not on that Battlestar upstairs though ... "

###

Maggie and Honey looked up from their oats, ears flicking at the noises coming from the barn's upper floor. Occasional pieces of chaff drifted down.

_Don't those guys have someplace else they can go do that? I'm eating here!, _

_Yeah ... and boy they're loud!_

_Who's this Leonard guy anyway?_

_Dunno, but he__'__s the best apparently ... umm ...you gonna finish those?_

###

Maggie and Honey may have thought they'd be left in peace the rest of the day after the laughing couple had returned to the house, picking straw out of each other's hair, but after a shower they were back, Penny carrying her saddle easily, Leonard not so easily but determined on helping.

"You want me to do yours?" she asked, saddling Honey the chestnut.

"Nah, I'm gonna see how much I can remember of what I learnt at riding school."

"Okay sweetie, but let me check it for you after."

"You don't need to worry - "

"I **do** need to worry, last time I looked they weren't makin' any more of you!"

###

Penny gave Maggie one of her looks. "What's wrong?" asked Leonard, puzzled. He thought he'd done a good job, saddling the bay the way Shelley at the riding stable back home had taught him.

"Maggie here's favorite trick," she replied, scritching the mares neck. "holds her breath so you can't cinch the saddle up properly. Here sweetie, just walk her round a little, make her breathe while I tighten it some"

_She gotcha there girl!_

_Anybody ever tell you how big your butt looks with that saddle? _

###

After an hour or so they stopped by the side of a small creek. As the horses drank Penny turned to him, "Wanna see a ghost town?" Leonard gazed in all directions. Apart from the railroad bed with it's gently curved tracks there was nothing in sight.

"Where is it?"

"Here," she pointed downward, "this used to be Coldwater Creek - steam engines used to stop for water outta the creek and there used to be a copper mine a little way off. My - " she carefully counted her fingers, " - my great-uncle Virgil was Marshal. We got some of his things back at the house."

A mournful hoot sounded, and they turned and watched a big yellow UP diesel as it drew a long line of freight cars toward them. "Sheldon could tell us what kinda engine that is, and who built it, and where it's going - " he bawled as it drew level with them.

" - and the color of the engineers socks!" yelled back Penny as it passed in a thunder of exhaust, Lincoln-bound.

"So where did the town go hon?" he asked in a more conversational tone as the diesel faded into the distance.

"The steam engines got bigger and didn't need to stop for water anymore, then the mine got worked-out. Everybody started leaving, Uncle Virgil went back to great-grandpa's farm and the place just fell down. Dad told me a lightnin' strike just after World War One burnt everything left."

###

Back at the homestead (as Leonard, despite Penny's eye-rolling referred to it ) they went into the den. "I know it's here someplace, Dad had it out so's the State Historical people could scan ... ah, here we go!" she said, lifting a battered Foot Locker box down. "Marshal's badge, photos, here, check out the mustache - "

"Pretty big, who is that?"

"Great Aunt Hesther, lost her husband just after the Civil War - he ran off with the girl who's dad owned the livery stable." Penny rummaged some more, "This is great-uncle Virgil - "

"He looks a lot like your Dad."

"Yeah, 'part from that dead beaver under his nose. What was it with guys back then? Now take a look at this - " she passed over another old photo.

The image was grainy and spotted with age but that was Penny looking right back at him. "Shakes you up a little doesn't it? That's great-aunt Edith on my Mom's side. Buried two husbands - "

"Umm ... she - "

"Leonard, not every woman in our family shoots her old man okay? I mean, my Dad's still here - well, 'less he picks out another check shirt, then Mom may get kinda testy."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**I own nothing in relation to 'The Big Bang Theory'**

**A/N Continues on from Chapter 5, our guys are taking a short break at Penny's parents farm. Also big Thank You! to everyone who's reviewed so far!**

"So we've got the place to ourselves?" he asked as they snuggled in bed the next morning.

"Yeah, Dad and Mom are out with the guys getting ready to start planting the Spring stuff, and there's a whole lot of other things that need doin'." Penny turned toward him, "So how'd you like life on the farm?" she inquired, nestling closer.

"Pretty good, it's nice to be out of the city. The people are friendly and the food's great."

"Anything else?" there was a teasing note to her voice. Leonard made a pretence of thinking:

"Well … I did enjoy sleeping with the farmers daughter. Twice so far." Penny giggled:

"Leonard Hofstadter, you're nothin' but a damn hound dawg - comin' out here with your citified ways 'n takin' advantage of a country gal … and you'd better be careful, her dad owns five guns. Anyway," she said taking his hand and rubbing her thumb across his wedding band, "What about your poor wife?"

"She's cool, I mean one time I was sleeping with a college girl _and_ an actress and she never said a word." he said, chuckling. Penny schooched up a little and nuzzled.

"You forgot the waitress - "

"Her too - you know sometimes I can barely live with myself - when I get home I really need to spend some time engaged in self-criticism and repentance."

"Yeah right …. Well, I'm gonna take a shower," her green eyes sparkled with mischief, "Obviously you won't want to join me, what with all that criticizing and repenting you need do."

"Hey, I said when I get home - or I could start on the plane … probably have a clean sheet by the time we're over Denver."

"What I got planned the next two days not even when you're over Utah!" she laughed, skipping off to the bathroom, Leonard in hot pursuit.

###

"A camping trip?" he asked as Penny toweled her hair - or tried to, Leonard kept finding other bits of her that 'needed drying first'.

"Yep, just you 'n me - unless you'd rather hang around this place dodgin' Mom and Dad before you can get your jollies." she said, playfully swatting away him with the towel.

"You just sold it to me … " Penny grinned as she put her arms around him:

"Okay, we're gonna take Dad's old pick up back up to Coldwater and camp up there a couple of days - you know bathe in the creek, eat stuff out've packets - "

"Make love under the stars - "

"Leonard, you ever feel like lettin' your mind run in a different groove? Otherwise, good point, remind me to pack bug repellant."

###

'_Hup' _grunted Penny as she easily tossed camping gear onto the pick up's bed. Leonard paused in his carrying duties to marvel yet again at how someone so dainty could be so strong. Penny caught his gaze, a grin spreading across her face. "Hey sweetie, here a sec - "

###

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asked. She smiled reassuringly over her shoulder:

"I'll be fine - now c'mon I've wanted to do this like forever."

###

Leonard felt mortified as he slid to the ground. Penny, unfazed, just waved and smiled. "Hey Mom, how's it goin'?"

"Pretty good, umm … is there something the matter with Leonard's foot?" puzzled Molly, closing the door of her truck.

"Nope, it's just ever since we met I've always wondered if I could carry him piggy-back." Molly opened her mouth to speak then shut it again, reflecting a little sadly that the ways of the younger were becoming ever more foreign territory to her. She went inside.

"Oh hell … "

"Ah c'mon sweetie, it's not like Mom caught us makin' grandkids in the middle of the yard - "

"Gee, thanks, that's about two years worth of nightmares right there … ."

_###_

By truck it took around thirty minutes to drive to their campsite. It would have taken longer but Penny firmly believed the shortest distance was a straight line - which meant no detours around potholes, rocks and washouts. "When did the county quit maintainin' the road? Sheesh, nineteen hundred and whatever I guess." was her answer to Leonard's question, which he'd squeezed through gritted teeth as his spine felt like it was about to bust through the top of his head.

"You know, that ride almost caused irreparable tushie trauma." he pointed out after they'd stopped. Penny gave him a sincere look:

"Leonard, you know I would never do anything to harm your cute little tush-tush. All that bouncin' probably just sculpted it up some more - here lemme have a squeeze -

He backed away laughing, "Are you kidding, you almost broke it!"

"Newsflash sweetie - it's supposed to have that crack in it!"

###

"I think we need to let this air a little," she said with a speculative sniff, crawling back out of the tent, "Smells like my little brother 'n his jerkwad buddies been smokin' stuff in here."

"Yeah, it does have an earthy aroma to it." he agreed before following her outside. They'd pitched camp just a little way upstream from where they'd visited the other day, out of sight of the railroad. Penny had put up the tent, Leonard had tried helping but without the long-lost instructions he'd been in her words 'as useful as a combine in the cabbage patch.'

###

"This kinda reminds me of the old days," smiled Penny as they sat stirring hot water into their dinner - Beef Teriyaki for her, Kung Pao for him - "remember my spaghetti?"

"It was a little al dente," he said fondly, calling up memories of some particularly rigorous crunching.

"Huh, chewy'd be nearer the mark … good job we took classes - " she started to laugh, "The five food groups in 4B were

Boiled, Nukerwaved, Wine and what?"

"Spaghetti and Burnt." Leonard finished, chuckling.

They leant against each other, free hands entwined. "We've come a long way sweetie," Penny murmured softly, "I mean it's been just over ten months now … Leonard, thank you for being my husband."

"Yeah … it's been a wonderful ride - Penny, thank you for being my wife."

They kissed to the accompaniment of the food boiling over in the background.

###

"That's amazing," he said as they lay on the mattress, gazing up at the diamond-studded vault. "It's times like this I wish I could afford a six-inch reflector telescope like Raj's got - with a decent azimuth mounting." There was a throaty giggle in the darkness.

"Wow, is that some telescope envy I'm hearing there?"

Leonard huffed: "Not at all, I just wish mine was a couple of inches - " he became aware that mild hysterics were taking place - "Penny what're you, twelve or something?"

"Okay, okay!" she snickered, wiping tears away, "So why don't you buy a bigger one?"

"Aside from the money where would I put it? You know we don't have - "

" - much space - can't we put some more stuff into storage?" Leonard put his arm round her; she automatically tucked her head under his chin.

"Not really hon - unless we get rid of the table … and I like sharing mealtimes."

"Me too, it's somethin' to look forward to … hey, maybe I could lose my maiden name - I mean Mulder-Hofstadter's kind of a big handle to swing round in such a small apartment." Leonard burst into full throated laughter.

"I said it before, you should do more comedy - maybe something like 'Nerds in Residence' - "

Penny frowned, "Leonard, NIR isn't comedy, it's just a bunch of hunks doing lame lines and that slut bunny Alicia prancin' round in three teabags 'n dental floss."

"Sorry, poor choice - you know I always thought something like our situation would be funny - two nerds and their beautiful neighbor - "

"I dunno, watchin' Scrubs with the sound mute 'nd Swedish subtitles on's funnier - fart," she snickered, "_kock_ - " her shoulders started heaving again.

"I explained what they meant in Swedish - " he said with mock weariness.

"Hey, don't be so condescending, I remember your wine comin' outta your nose when that guy kept saying 'slut'" Penny laughed before reaching for his free hand again. "Sweetie, you think there's really a superior intelligence watching us?"

"From up there - possibly, from the end of the couch in 4A certainly."

"Aww, Sheldon would be sooo stoked that you said that … I always wondered - what's Amy's IQ?"

"One eighty-eight - "

"You mean she's one point smarter? Does he know?"

"Not exactly … we're still trying to find a way of breaking it to him gently."

"Good luck with that … wow, combined IQ of three seventy-five - that's probably more'n my entire High School class - "

"I thought that was just you - how do the rest of them get by?"

"There you go again … "

###

The two rabbits shot bolt upright, ears twitching madly_. What'n hells that noise?! _

_Coyote? I dunno though, I thought Eric and his buddies were up by Easton someplace._

_You're right … it's not a coyote … sounds more like there's two of 'em._

_Yeah … what's a Leonard?_

_Not sure, but whatever it is the Penny - whatever __**that**__ is - seems to like what it's doing._

_I gottit! They're humans! And unless I miss my guess they're reproducing._

_The guys that live in those big square things? And they come out here to do that - why?_

_Go figure … did I tell you about my cousin?_

_Marty? How is he?_

_Not so good - got eaten by a cougar actually._

_Bummer! Were you close?_

_Not really, he's like two hundred and ninety seventh on my moms side. _

_###_

"You know sweetie, every time Amy asks me what it's like being married … I wonder if I should mention all the public nudity."

"This's hardly public, it's dark and there's no-one around for miles - "

"I dunno, there might be some little green guys up there someplace - " she laughed, "and they probably got a pretty good idea now about how the human race gets it's freak on."

"So romantic … is that Shakespeare?" he said, drawing her into a closer embrace.

###

"This is so nice," murmured Penny as they drank their breakfast coffee together, "all the birds singing - "

_I didn't get a freakin' wink of sleep! I mean what the hell!_

_Hey, at least they weren't under your nest - _

"Those cottontails over there look like they're talking," chuckled Leonard.

_I mean Dotty, I've got fifteen kids 'nd I just got 'em off to bed!_

"Hey look sweetie, in the creek there - an otter - no, two otters!"

_Oh man, I thought they started cutting lumber again - all that zee-zaw-zee-zaw most of the damn night! I'm so tired I can't even catch fish._

_You know what Harv? We should move, I mean we're already endangered we stay here we're gonna be extinct!_

"I love this, it's so peaceful here - "

"Yeah sweetie, makes you feel like not goin' back to the city doesn't it … "

"You want to put the mattress in the tent tonight?"

"Maybe … although last night was pretty warm, we could sleep outside again."

_In a variety of cheeps, squeaks and grunts - What? What? Oh please make it snow!_

**A/A/N For those lacking a Leonardopedia:**

**Fart = Speed**

**Kock = Chef/cook**

**Slut = End**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**I own nothing related to 'The Big Bang Theory'**

**A/N Fluff really, and a big, big Thank You! to everyone who's reviewed! You all inspire me to keep going with this.**

**Wednesday**

"Ms Mulder-Hofstadter, this is your five a.m wake-up call - " Leonard crooned gently to the blonde frizz on the pillow next to him, "County Hospital's calling yoouuu - " Penny groaned and huddled up to him.

"Ugh no, sweetie, five more minutes _please_ - "

"You've had those - now c'mon hon, up and at 'em! Penny," he wheedled, "only another two mornings and you'll be on hiatus." Her reply was to yank the covers over her head.

"Slave driver," came from the hump. A hand shot out from under and grabbed her phone, disappearing back under the bedclothes like a recoiling snake then shooting out again There came the sound of the whip app.

"Penny, I'm gonna continue to be annoying - and believe me after years with Sheldon I really know how to do it."

"I hate you Leonard Hofstadter," she grumped, emerging from under the bedclothes. He gave a her 'good morning' and a grin.

"Would madam care for breakfast? There's bran flakes, corn flakes, toast, coffee - "

"Madam would like coffee and a divorce," she mock-groused at him, failing to suppress the smile tugging the corner of her mouth.

"Certainly, here use my phone - our attorney's on speed dial under 'one'."

"Thinkin' ahead huh? Maybe after I've had coffee … or would you rather we reconciled?" Leonard gave it some thought:

"If we stay together for the moment maybe I could ask for a life-size TARDIS for Christmas … "

"Stick with me a little while longer and I'll get you a Dalek to go with it … that ride inside one you've always wanted."

"Okay … deal." He looked a little more serious. "Are you sure coffee's all you want? I mean it's no trouble - " Penny smiled at him:

"Leonard, I'll get something from Craft Services - anyway sweetie you really don't need to get up in the middle of the night for me - "

"Yeah I know, but I like seeing you before you go to work," he said, a little shyly.

"Aww, come here you … " she murmured before they shared a loving embrace.

###

"How come I've been here almost three weeks and nobody's said 'stat' yet?" Penny asked the middle-aged man in the hospital bed surrounded by tubes and wires.

"I dunno - I was an extra on ER one time and it was every other line." he answered, looking up from the crossword, "I wish someone would go kick 'Doctor Kirkbright's' butt out of his dressing room - I gotta take my cat to the vet, I was hoping I'd be outta here by now."

"Yeah, the big jerk." she grumbled. "I got better things to do 'stead of wastin' time here 'cos him'n the director are havin' a hissy fit … you need a hand with that? Looks like we're gonna be a while."

A harassed-looking AD came over, "Hi guys, umm - can you bear with us a little longer, I - "

"Hey," Penny interrupted, "change to the script: how 'bout I trip over and yank out Howie's power cord - if that's okay with you sweetie - so we can all go home?" The guy gave her a thin smile and wandered back over to the Director's huddle. Penny picked up the clipboard from the end of the bed and used it to cover sticking out her tongue. Howie chuckled:

"I think the guy's had a sense of humor bypass," he said, "Now ten across - sheesh, this weeks guy must have been to college - 'elementary particle' … definitely not atom, two words, five and five - "

"Higgs Boson," she answered, "That's bos**o**n, with an '**o**' not a '**u**' - my husband always says it's nothing to do with sailors."

"Leonard right? The scientist? How long's it been now?" .

Penny touched her wedding ring - which she kept on her locket chain while she was costumed as 'Nurse Chapel' and smiled happily, "A year this weekend." Howie grinned at her obvious pleasure:

"Congratulations to you both, I remember my first anniversaries - "

###

"Another day at County Hospital, saving lives, making a difference." Leonard said in trailer voiceover tones. Penny pulled a face.

"Another day of Doctor Jerkbright havin' another blowup with the director," she groused, "he had everybody stood around for an hour today. The guy's a total buttwad - "

"I thought you liked Tony Whatshisface? You dragged me to every one of his movies when we were dating, remember?"

"I _liked_ him until I _met_ him - up close he's self-obsessed, shallower than the creek in July and absolutely _knows _every woman on the show can't wait to drop 'em for him."

"What, all of them - ?"

"Except one of course - "

"Glad to hear it."

"Yeah, Alice in Makeup's far too stuck up." snickered Penny wickedly.

"Okay, that's it … " he mock growled, hands darting to her ribs and giving her noogies. Penny didn't shriek for long, she'd soon caught hold of his wrists; he was powerless to resist her kisses. After a little tonsil hockey they snuggled.

"Sweetie, before we resume this make out session, question for ya - what does 'stat' mean in hospitals?"

"It's shortened Latin - _statim_ means now or immediately, guess they think stat's a little more friendly than barking _**now**_ at people."

"Really? Wow, every day a schoolday." said Penny sincerely.

"You know it hon … okay, now I've got a question - what significant event takes place this weekend?"

"Mmm, tough one." her brow furrowed, "Lemme see … there's a sale at the discount shoe place - for which I need to borrow one've Sheldon's lawn chairs 'cos I'm campin' out - oh, and Stuart's having a fifteen percent off sale so I suppose you an' the guys'll be goin' to that - "

"Apart from those things … c'mon hon, think hard - "

"I'm a blonde sweetie, we don't really do that sorta thing." Penny's twinkling eyes met his, "Oh yeah, a year ago I married a really great guy - "

"Thank you smart funny and beautiful lady - "

"You're welcome … Leonard, I can't believe it's been a year." she said, looking at her ring, which like his had

_L & P VI - XIV - MMXIV _engraved on the inside.

"Yeah - and you know what else is funny, I know everybody was at our wedding - I just don't remember them." he said, sliding his hand into hers.

"I know what you mean." she said dreamily; at the moment they'd slid their rings onto each other fingers it was as if there were no-one else in the room. After a moment, "So I was thinking of doing something a little more romantic than going to a restaurant- " Leonard grinned:

"Roses? Singing telegram? Or are we re-creating when you proposed to me?"

"Yeah, we're gonna barge into Sheldon 'n Amy's at six in the morning and start ruinin' his paper clips … no, I was thinking we could have dinner here - you know, dress up nice, drink champagne, have our first dance again … whatcha think?"

"I think it sounds fantastic - and it's nice you're getting a handle on this whole romance thing."

"You better believe it - come Saturday Leonard I am gonna romance your ass off."

###

**Saturday **

First there were sleepy wake-up kisses; then they'd exchanged cards, both having happy little sniffles at the poems they'd written each other; after that it was a gentle run through some of their greatest hits and finally breakfast in bed.

###

"I don't think I've ever been so romanced - and it's not even eleven." Leonard told her as he pushed the cart round the Mini-Market. Penny smiled as she placed a bottle of wine in it.

"Hey, what'd I tell you - "

"That you were gonna romance my ass off - so far today I think the Romance Ninja could be looking at retirement - "

"I dunno, he was pretty good this morning … okay, make that pretty amazing. "

###

"This is definitely the way to celebrate … "

"Yeah, totally … more hot water sweetie?" Taking 'mmhum' as an affirmative Penny stretched out and operated the tap with her toes.

"You are definitely prehensile - " murmured Leonard, gently sliding his arms round her. Penny sighed contentedly:

"Crosshead ones're hard … luckily I got my dad's feet - toes of steel - hey, careful," she warned as Leonard got a little playful, "we don't want the candles ending up in the tub, or the people in three-b complainin' to the building manager again about that map of Africa they had on their bathroom ceilin'."

"I thought shape-wise it was more like Australia - "

"_You say Australia, I say Africa _- " sang Penny, almost in tune. Leonard chuckled and added an off-key:

"_You say Nien Numb, I say Nien __**Nunb**__,__"_he quavered, then his mind wandered back to the candles, "We could get floating ones - "

"You wanna take a bath with stuff that's alight either you sit in front of me or better still take one on your own - my tip would be light 'em after you get in, in case they drift someplace before you're sat down."

"Duly noted … any chance of seeing your catalog?"

"I get one for my résumé - but Leonard, you can't even tell it's me in those outfits."

"I can, I'd recognize my beautiful wife anywhere - even inside a HAZMAT suit."

Eyes closed, Penny smiled, "Keep goin' and you're gonna find flattery'll get you everywhere … umm sweetie? I'm - " Penny stopped, embarrassed; he gently drew reassuring circles on her shoulder.

"I'm really sorry again for twisting Iron Man's head off - I honestly thought he was a novelty bubble bath."

"My bad, we're short of space and I should have put him in storage instead of on my shelf in here, don't sweat it … his head'll glue back on."

"Yeah … but I still ought to make it up to you."

"I think kisses would be adequate recompense - " said Leonard magnanimously.

###

"Style question - do you think I should keep my hair short another year or grow it again?"

"Umm … that's kind of difficult - " Leonard replied, nuzzling an ear.

"Yeah, right up there with the other biggies 'is there intelligent life in outer space' or 'why is Jar-Jar Binks so annoying?"

"With that guy there's no why, he just _is_."

"You're a scientist, you know better than to make," she enunciated carefully, "_unqualified assertions_ - I mean every time we play Episode One he's the first guy you shoot."

"That's nothing, you should read Howard's blog sometime and don't even mention him to Raj."

"Feel the love huh? So anyway, hair - short or not?"

"Well hon … I gotta admit short really brings out your eyes, I just get so lost in them - " Penny giggled:

"Sweetie, you really are the Cheesemeister … "

"Thank you, it's nice you appreciate it … plus this year it's gonna make it easier for you to get your Troopers helmet on: I'd say keep it short."

"Okay, short it is … I think we're gonna make a cute couple of Troopers - even more adorable than Howard 'n Bernie's Ewoks."

"Penny, Imperial Troopers are supposed to inspire fear and awe, not '_awwww'_ plus the Ewoks are not," - he made air quotes - " 'adorable', they are a primitive savage people who overcame a technically advanced civilization - " Penny laughed:

"You know sweetie I could've sworn that was Sheldon … speaking of which, how many autographs did he sign last year? Every time I've asked him he just gives me the stink eye."

"Four or five - I think what really upset him was being mistaken for the actor who played the piano as human Elmo on the Muppet Show. I told him I didn't think he could get some kind of injunction to stop someone resembling him."

"You know the first time I met you and Sheldon I thought he looked a lot like the guy in Judging Amy."

Leonard 'ummed' interrogatively. "What?" she queried, "It's the same guy - is that another show you've never seen? Didn't you have cable in Nerdvana?"

"Of course we did - we were just selective in our viewing - " Penny blew a raspberry.

"Selective my ass - tacky monsters and cardboard sets - that or they were stuck in some quarry."

"Those are some of the classic Dr Who episodes - "

" - that one that looks like it was shot in some guys garage - "

"Actually hon, Dark Star _was_ filmed in John Carpenter's garage - "

"Really? Wow, what kinda garage must George Lucas have had?"

"Don't act like you know nothing about Star Wars … what about that fight with Amy - "

"It wasn't a fight! I just said that everything about Leia, Luke and Darth Cooper - sorry, Vader - is contrived. The guy spent two movies tryin' to kill them then it's all - "

"Penny, this's starting to sound like we're in the comic book store - I think you need to face the possibility - "

"That I could be turning into a nerd - hmm … meditate on that shall I."

###

"You look hotter than Arizona in July." Penny told him as she knotted his necktie. Leonard grinned:

"I dunno, I think you're ahead in the hot stakes." he said admiringly; she'd put on the dress she'd worn to Professor Rothman's memorial service.

"Call it a tie," Penny laughed, "I mean look at you all tight-pantsed out - " she indicated his jacket, shirt and navy blue pants.

###

"It's a shame we only get one of these a year - " he said as they relaxed on the couch after their meal - ordered-in Thai with a hefty side order of loving eyes and footsie.

"I dunno sweetie, I think it's better to keep the quantity low and the quality high."

"Yeah, I guess … more shampagnay?"

"You and your fancy East Coast sophistication … fill 'er up. Now, like we practiced - " This time they managed to link arms and take a sip out of each other glass without twisting a muscle. "Learned well have you young padwan." Penny told him.

"By a romance Jedi taught well was I … this dance would you care with me to have?"

"In a sec - just one more thing," she giggled, getting up and going over to the kitchen island where she pulled out the cake box she'd hidden in the cold oven. "Here, Amy let me make this in their kitchen, and one of Stuart's buddies sculpted the cake topper."

Inside the box was a smaller replica of their wedding cake, but instead of the bride and groom there was a blonde Leia with a bespectacled Han.

"Happy first anniversary my love." she whispered softly before their lips met.

**Sunday**

"C'mon, Doctor Jones could get outta this in like two seconds." Penny murmured playfully.

"Doctor Jones never had to escape from the Nebraskan Bed Critter - it's worse than an octopus - " he grunted.

""Yeah, it's not like you're not really tryin' - " Leonard gave up and relaxed into the snuggle.

"Exactly how long are we supposed to celebrate our anniversary?"

"Leonard and Penny - own paradigm remember?"

"You mean there's another week of this?" Leonard whined, unconvincingly.

"You wanted romance - "

"Yeah, but I wanted to be able to use the bathroom too … " Penny released her hold on him:

"Okay - but you come straight back here - " she purred, in a way that gave a whole new meaning to sultry.

###

After re-assembling the bed - Penny had been showing Leonard what she'd learnt on Google - they talked about the day ahead.

"Brunch?" he asked.

"Always … you want me to drive, so you can have a couple of mimosa's?" Leonard shook his head:

"Nah, you know what alcohol before twelve does to me."

"Yeah, but you looked so adorable, all curled up like some little animal who's hibernating - "

"When I'm curled up on a banquette and it's barely eleven adorable doesn't really cut it - "

"Aww, and you were makin' those cute snuffling noises."

"And that ladies and gentlemen, is why we no longer go to that restaurant."

Penny laughed: "I was gonna suggest the one on twelfth - the one with the outside terrace?"

"Okay, deal."

###

"Yep, more romance," said Penny, gingerly placing a bowl of warm water next to Leonard; they'd shared a giggly shower but after they'd dried off she'd led him back to the bedroom, answering his puzzled 'what' with "Bup-bup-bup - it's a surprise." It was when she came back from the bathroom with razor and shave foam he cottoned on.

"You're going to _shave_ me?"

"No, I thought I'd do my legs - of course I'm gonna shave you!" she laughed as she put a towel around his neck, "Now hold still - " she said, easing herself astride his lap then squirting lather onto her hand and applying it to his face, giggling as she put a dab on the end of his nose. "Hey, don't look so worried, at least this isn't one of those old cut-throats."

Penny carefully shaved him, turning his jaw this way and that to make sure she'd gotten every last bristle. Finally, after applying her lips to all the planes and angles of his face she declared herself satisfied. "Smooth as a babies butt."

He gently pulled her toward him and placed kisses on her lips and the tip of her nose. "Exactly how hungry are you … ?" he murmured in her ear. Penny leant back and their eyes met, green mingling with brown.

"Not that hungry … I guess we could make it lunch instead … "


End file.
